Relationship between men and women in Buddhism – Part 2

2009年10月16日 星期五 下午4:29 评论关闭

We need to stop sitting there looking for women to do things for us, we need to reward them. Tomorrow or the day after, immediately, go and buy some flowers for your wife. Yes, it’s a little embarrassing and you feel a little stupid but it doesn’t matter. The stupidity and the embarrassment are over real quickly. You have money for your drinks and friends but you don’t have money for your wives? That’s not good.

Don’t be embarrassed. I know that after being married for 20 years, you’ve never even given one petal to your wife. So now that you give her flowers, she might wonder what your motive is! It’s definitely not boobali*. Some of you haven’t hadboobali with your wives in over fifteen years! I asked some of you when the last time was that you had boobali, and you couldn’t remember!

But it’s not really about boobali; it’s about inside boobali. It is the feeling you get from boobali – the warmth, the forgiveness and the care, because time is short. So take care of your wives, bring them flowers once every two or three months. Take them out, with no motive. Don’t just take them out to the market or to a cheap café and say, “I took you out, so keep quiet now!” Isn’t your wife worth a few hundred dollars for a night out?

What are you saving your money for? What are you keeping it for? Even Tutankhamun couldn’t take any of the pyramids and all the wealth inside them with him. It’s in the British museum now. What do you think you’re going to take with you to your next life when you die? Your 100,000 or 200,000 dollars? Remember, you came into this life naked, just holding on to the placenta.

And women, what can you do for men? You know what they want. Men only want one thing. Just one thing – to stop being nagged! So just shut up! Don’t nag them. You know how men are not expressive, they don’t like to talk about things, they don’t want to tell you things. So stop nagging your husbands, ranting, complaining and making noise.

I’m not just talking about doing that to husbands; I’m also talking about your friends, your mother, your aunt or whoever you nag the life out of. Stop. What’s the big deal? It’s a small price to pay, a very small gift to give back. You get flowers, they don’t get nagging – then you get a little bit closer.

Tsem Tulku
Excerpt taken from PEACE, by H.E.Tsem Tulku Rinpoche

* Sex is not a term that is appropriate for a Tibetan lama to mention publicly. Tsem Rinpoche came up with the term “boobali” as a substitute… which also always makes for much laughter!